Yeah, I’m terrible at keeping this updated. Shocking. Well, it’s a good goal for the upcoming year week. YEA Me!

In case you missed it… In May 2012, I stopped eating wheat/gluten.

In August 2012, my husband and I returned to my hometown to attend my 20th high school reunion. No one told me that if you take your husband to your 20th reunion, have an entire weekend without your child around… that you’ll be expecting a baby on May 2, 2013! Whoa. Beyond shocked. We’d been trying for a while… even to the point of going on Chlomid for 6 months (about 2 years ago, I think)… no luck… then meeting with an infertility specialist who wanted to charge a lot of $$ to run all kinds of tests but honestly said, “You may have to consider IVF if you really have to have another child.” Ummmm, no. One, IVF is CRAZY EXPENSIVE. Two, it is an ethical dilemma for me because it would be against my faith to create several ’embryos’ and just keep them frozen or have them destroyed. I’d be paying a lot of money to destroy a human… which seems a lot like abortion… and I can’t wrap my heart/brain around how that would be OK for me to do. So, yeah, not an option. That was maybe 18 – 24 months ago that we were a “one and done” family when it came to children. I put on a smile and tried so hard to be OK with it. Actually, I knew that most people didn’t really care if I was OK with it or not, as long as I smiled and put on a front that this was the way life was and we were happily accepting it. A few people knew of the inner turmoil and struggle it was for me. There is nothing like having your child pray for a baby brother or sister every night and knowing that you can’t do anything to provide that sibling. There is nothing like having your child ask you repeatedly why we’re not having a baby… as, it felt, everyone around you was having child #2, #3, #4, etc. It was almost painful to go to church each week because, for whatever reason, the church we attend has a constant supply of new babies being born regularly. This isn’t an old-and-dying congregation. It’s more of the young families/older aunts & uncles family kind of church. By this I mean that there are a lot of young kids in the church… and a lot of young families that can’t really financially support a church. So there are a good share of middle aged and older people who are ’empty nesters’ (or close to it) who can and do financially support the church more so than the young families are able to at this time. Wow, what a model for the nation to follow… if only it were that easy! I digress… but if your tax rates were lower as your children were young (and even until they’re in/through college) and then tax rates steadily climbed as you did not have to support your children (as much) financially… well, what a concept.

 

Back to babies. Some days it felt like a knife in my heart. Why was I defective? We had no issues getting pregnant in summer 2006, so why was this a problem ever since then? Confident that we weren’t able to have more kids, we made the bold decision to refinance our home in June 2012. Going from a 30 year mortgage (we were ‘only’ 9 years into it) to a 10 year mortgage was a little scary, but when we did the math, our new interest rate was about 40% less than the original rate (which was a very ‘good’ rate when hubby bought the house in 2003)… and, realistically, the new payments would add about $225/month to our existing payment (which, essentially, was to cover our property taxes and homeowners insurance). That seemed more than doable. Our cars are aging quickly (2001 and 2002) so we even researched and set a budget to replace one vehicle now and another one in a year or two. However, since hubby is indecisive about cars (he likes too many to make a final decision in a timely matter) and I’m apathetic to the type/size/style of a different car, we felt like we were in no rush. If we could nurse our current vehicle(s) another 6 or 12 months, that was just more time to save towards a down payment. We were thankful that we didn’t have the expense of diapers, formula, baby food, more clothing, and especially daycare. Life was good for us and getting brighter financially. We’re able to afford swimming lessons and dance lessons… among all other kinds of park and rec activities for our daughter… during the summer. Yes, she was and is pretty spoiled at times but she hears “no” a lot as well, Especially, sadly, when it came to her longing desire for a baby brother or sister. So for months we remembered our friends/family who were expecting babies in our prayers each night. And whether she spoke the prayers aloud to me each night or not, she was praying for a baby sibling for herself. f

I still can’t explain the why or the timing. Even my OB (who did the 6 months of Chlomid for me two years ago) exclaimed, “How did this happen NOW?” Yeah, he knows how it happened… but the timing shocked him too. I told him it was 2 years of prayers from my daughter and he said, “Well, divine intervention, then!” Amen, doctor.

Now life has been turned on its head and I couldn’t be happier or more scared. Once the baby is healthy, happy, and in my arms (God willing!) I will be overjoyed to have a tiny new baby in our home again. Once the baby is here, I will be stressed out wondering how we’ll ever pay for daycare again. The daycare centers around here charge about twice what we paid for in-home daycare for our daughter. I know God has a plan… but God knows that I’m a worrier, so you’d think He’d clue me in on His plan early on so I don’t worry and stress about it needlessly all these months, right? Apparently not. Trust and obey. Those are the two most challenging commands in our world. Wait and see are the two others!

I personally think that the problem this whole time has been wheat/gluten. I don’t think that I was always allergic to it, but I think that it has gotten worse and worse since I probably turned 30. Such a difference in my mental clarity (no more daily headaches) and in my guts (nothing like painful gas, bloating, etc to deal with on a daily basis). I guess it also causes immune problems and that can cause problems with fertility. Who knew.

 

Now I’ve taken you from “there” (where life was in June/July 2012 before I was pregnant) to “here”… and there’s more to update you on but I’ve been awake for 2.5 hours in the middle of the night (oh pregnancy joy!) so it’s time to close for now.

Blessings and peace.

 

 

 

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